I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
