When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize