Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
