so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
