dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
