Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
please come you make the beer taste better
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
