I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
