I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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