the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
