I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
