You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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