So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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