That's when you crack a 10am beer
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize