Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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