I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
