We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
