You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
