1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
