she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
