..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So much rum. So many feels.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
