nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
they need to just BURY HIM!
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
