I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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