We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
