Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
