all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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