Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
