I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
