I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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