quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
There r osticjed everywhere
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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