So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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