ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
