So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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