A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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