Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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