She said her name was "party"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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