How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize