Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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