but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
