oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
