i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
