She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
