maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
