I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
