so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
