I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
areolas are like halos for boobs.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
