even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
