I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
my poor anus
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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