Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
