my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
