Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
