We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize