the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
this must be what syphilis tastes like
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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