If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
