he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
