I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
