Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
