The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
