My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Randomize
