i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
