Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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