if you like me you must not know who I am
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
