I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
