I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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