I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
