Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
