i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
