I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
