All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
