I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
