some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Fuck appropriateness.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
i need some magic done to my vagina
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
