wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
