i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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